yes baby yes

I am 14wks preggers tomorrow, hard to believe that much time has passed and that's probably how long it's been since my last update. Thanks for being patient. I have been feeling really good about 12 weeks along i noticed that the second trimester energy was just around the corner. I was in MN for two weeks and my second trimester was in full swing which was a good thing because i ended up helping my sister move into her first house as a single mother. Divorce is finally coming. I was proud to be there. She was at my mother's house and it was pure hell our stepfather (if you can call him that when it happens when your like 19) is a pain in the ass. smoking in the house daily leaving the dog crap in the living room or wherever. It's disgusting and i couldn't help myself by saying so this visit. I'm like how do you ppl live like this. MOM if i had the cash i'd be in a hotel. Luckely we were able to move to my sisters 2 days after arrival. Do you think either one of them lifted a finger. NOPE. that's right it's like 100 out and my sister and me (pregnant) proceed to fill a truck and her car with all the beds. (4) and bring them to the new house. Aside from that drama I did have some pregnancy bleeding about week 10 and was on orders to not exert myself for 2 wks which meant no running. So that two weeks was up right before i left for MN and got one run in and then headed north. We drove for 2 days and it was quite easy. my daughters were with 10 and 21 months. perfect age to help with baby the whole way. thank you portable dvd player!! I did manage to run a few times while in MN/WI too and it was hot and muggy. Now back and home and looking through the runners' mag that just came and looking ahead to next years race plans already. Very exciting and motivating to do that. Next weekend we go to Manassa for the 24th celebration and I will run the 5K just like last year altho it's a killer cuz it's at like 8000 ft and it's hard. I hope to finish in the 40 min area and not going to break records and won't pregnant just like to finish strong. Hope the weather isn't too warm. The parade that weekend is always a crowd pleaser and with Parker at 21 months now she will enjoy the heck out of it. I just realized i haven't been on a bike or in the pool since last sept when i did my tri. that's something to regain next spring too. can't wait.

Week Wrap Up

It has been awhile since I discussed my worst enemy: Food: I have currently in my mitts a copy of "Skinny Bitch" and let me tell you it is eye opening what happens to our food before it gets to the store, lets just say I took away a few things from this book.  I'll try not to harp do much about this but It must be said that after years of having it drilled into my head I am a firm believer now that we are not designed to drink milk much past the age of 1. I am in full agreement that milk from the mother as you are a baby is designed to double your weight and put you on a path full of good vitamins etc... much like a calf. I was fortunate enough to breast feed my baby for one full year and then she switched to sippy cups and Organic Whole Milk only. That being said, I'm not going to discuss the "milking process" here as you can read the book and make your own decisions about meat and dairy. I have not completely cut meat and dairy out, but i have cut out a considerable amount out of my diet and I am much more in favor of things being Organic.The fact that this book actually has me actively thinking about what goes in and how hard I have to work to process it has been life changing and I hope to pass this on to my two girls. Although I have not noticed any weight loss from making small changes I feel better knowing that i'm feeding my body less processed/full of chemicals food. I am sure in time the loss will come. I have noticed this past week that although once again the scale is stuck at 210. I have again shifted where my fat spots are. My legs are getting sooo much stronger. My shins seem to have returned to my youthfull 20 something shape and better even. My knees are starting to say here i am! when I lay down and put my legs in the air I can see the potential of what they could look like without the fat suit, when i squat now you can just feel solid muscle, and I have added about 3 hours of skating per week and it's starting to pay off. I started near the end of January and 3 months had made a huge difference.

On a running/foot note: I have finished one week of intense therapy on my plantar fac foot and wearing a brace each night to bed, so far it seems that its working. I feel really good in the morning after removing brace and walking to bathroom pain free is like taking a deep breath in the ocean air. I have put on some miles this past week too. on Sat I allowed myself to do a quick short run and my ave pace was 13:03 that's like 2 min faster than anything i ran all last year on a practice run day. I actually did my first tempo run. Out fast and back faster. I iced when i got home and actively tried to not rest too much so it wouldn't tighten, then sunday I met another ref from the team and we ran 7 miles. Ave pace 14 something. and we had a huge hill after mile 2 and then a super fun downhill that we ran in about 10 min. it's fun to feel what running that fast feels like I remember yelling back to her and saying this is what an 11 min mile feels like isn't it awesome? She was at a 6 mile block so it was fun to push her past that wall and actually do 7, I hope she's proud cuz she did awesome, we did awesome!! She has since quit the derby team,but i think we will continue to run together. Sure makes those long runs fun! and the past month I haven't once thought oh I so don't want to go run. It's felt great to get my mojo back.

On another personal note we are actively trying to get pregnant before I can't have anymore, it's been 7 months since our miscarriage and after much thought we have decided that Parker would probably benefit from having a sibling close in age to her as my daughter is 10 yrs older than her and is having fun now, but as soon as she becomes a teenager the baby fun will be worn off and she will have no interest in her little sister anymore. It is so much fun planning to have a child with someone you love it's the most incredible gift seeing those two lines show up. I got to experience that twice and I'm ready for it to happen again with him. We are allowing ourselves to actively try for about 5 months and then we will stop, it does get exhausting as I'm sure most of you know. I'm sure once we stop trying we will then get pregnant which will be all before turning 41 and sounds perfect to me, my heart is not set on it though, i feel blessed already and another is a miracle. If it's not meant to happen then it's not meant to happen right? either way I will beable to move again at 41 and have no regrets. :) after my birthday in Jan i will go have the in office procedure to block my tubes and I will not have to get on the stupid pill. I think hubs is gonna get the big V also. Then we can both move forward and know we did what we wanted to do. :)

Half Marathon that wasn't

Found out this week that the Half Marathon I was training for in June was a lottery. Ha ha wouldn't you know it. Oh well I chat with a few of you and you assure me that it isn't worth another thought (thanks Ron). So I put myself in his shoes and say NEXT. I will find another to replace that one and be stronger because of it. I have run 2 more long runs since the 11 mile killer hill. I felt proud of that too. I still look back and that day felt like I ran a half marathon and that's because I almost did. I certainly know that i put less effort into my half marathon race than i did on that 11 mile day. So last weekend i ran 7. Had an idea in my head that i would go run around this one neighborhood here and so i plotted it out and saw that it would be about 7 miles and I knew there was a long slow incline hill in there somewhere, I found it at mile 2  :) and although i couldn't see where the hill ended I allowed my HRM to be my guide. 160 and above was my walking zone. I made it to the top finally and feeling good that a ran/walked up that hill. Bonus it's all downhill and flat from here all the way to the car. I finally caught up to my pacer (on my garmin) right before cooling down. But that didn't matter to me i was having fun running 10 min miles at times during that downhill flat part. It felt great to move my legs that fast for the first time. I had a ton of energy at the end which told me i could have probably run up that entire hill. Well next time. This weekend was gorgeous and i had agreed to meet another Ref that I"m on Derby with.She thought she was insane to go with me as she has never run more than 6 miles. So we went the same place i went the weekend before except we did not to the big big hill, instead ran around the neighborhood and hit the trails for a couple miles, the afternoon was hot hot hot. we ave 16 min miles, but it didn't matter to me I was happy to have the company and it never felt like work, I think she felt that way too, she said that was the easiest 700 cal i've burned in a long time. so i have a feeling that i will have a new sunday partner even if she bails early on my long days or better yet she pushes herself to go longer. We ended our afternoon at 6 miles and i think that was a ton of fun. I remembered most of my training that about every third week the mileage can go down, so next week will be a big one again. I'm looking forward to that, running is less of a chore these days and I'm really thankful for that. I was in a slump for about a month in a half and now i feel myself rising above it. I guess Spring is officially here. Time for the high heels and pedicures and toe rings again.Yay!! Derby tonight and let's see what tues brings.

Long hard 11 miles

I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weekend and choose a new route that would motivate me to complete 10 miles. Mostly because i wanted to know that i hadn't thrown all my hard work away. I have taken the last several weeks (5 to be exact) basically to a stand still, compared to my training it felt as though i was blowing off the whole month. I had at the most finished a couple of 5 mile runs since the 1/2 marathon. I think i just needed time away from it. Time to gather thoughts and not stress about miles i was supposed to be doing. So i chose a route by my house that i could go part my car and basically do and out and back. There was a gigantic hill at the beginning that I knew would really challenge me. I guess I felt as though I had something to prove, to myself anyway. Heading down i realized this is a really huge hill, as i was heading up it at about mile 2 i noticed that my heart rate was at 165 so i began to walk, my heart rate is an important reminder of how much my heart is working, and if walking up this hill has my heart rate between 160-170 I'll continue to walk. Made my way to the top and began running again and felt pretty solid, i got a tad cocky at mile 5 and decided to go to 5.33 before turning around (this bit me hard at the end) for some reason i kept telling myself i have that downhill to look forward to should be a pretty easy run back so i'll go ahead and push myself now. Headed back i was feeling great up until somewhere about 6-1/2 miles i felt soooo bloated I looked down at my protruding stomach and started talking shit to myself saying I had no business running and being such a fat ass. What was I thinking coming out here and doing this, I shouldn't be running I'm too fucking fat to do this. I was pretty upset. Then I decided to forget those thoughts and keep running I kept looking at my pace and thinking wow i'm like 10 min behind where i wanted to be and that time is increasing. By 8.5 i decided to write my husband and let him know how far i'd come and that i was fine. Reaching mile 9 i passed a dead car on the road that already had a ticket on it, so must have been there for days. Some guy .25 miles past that car pulls over to ask me if that was my car i'd left behind. (REALLY?) do I look like I have no business out here running? Do i look pathetic? Do I look like someone that is looking for help? DO you not realize i'm fucking dressed to be out here running? I realize now that he was only probably trying to help but for the love of God i couldn't help but think negative thoughts. By mile 9 I knew it was gonna be hard to finish this run. Mile 10, uh oh i'm still like a mile from the car, well I'm walking this last mile cuz i think I'm about to die. This last mile everything hurt and I was overwhelmed with the ideas that I should not ever run again, I'll just stick with short distances from now on. Don't we all try to rationalize at the end. So enough of that ranting. I realized that about 4 hours after that long run although i felt as though i wasn't going to finish, i was recovering quite well. I was a little sore ( my plantars fac especially) and this morning it was tough to walk but i was proud i'd done it. But I also now respect my body enough to now know that after several weeks of not much I should not push, in fact i realized soon after that I would have been better off doing a great strong 6 mile run instead of dragging myself thru 11 miles. Lesson learned.

Time OUT

Sorry for the delay in blogging; it's now been one month since my 1/2 marathon and the longest run i've done since has been 5 miles. WTF? yep i hit a huge slump and i thought i was in a great place. Oh well, i have no regrets. I've enjoyed my time off and I've had Roller Derby twice a week to keep my heart rate up. The weather has played a bit of a part in my lack of motivation too. Yesterday's snow totals here about 12" jeez who can run in that? I'm not paying for a gym membership so i can run on the dreadmill i'd rather just take a day or two off. This whole month has been without my step daughter (18) here to help with baby. If Greg is traveling it has made it damn near impossible to get out. The good news : I have not gained a single pound and I recently read this book : Skinny Bitch and it describes in much too much detail where our meat,dairy,eggs come from. Which pretty much brought me to tears and i have totally adapted to a Vegan diet and whole grains. Not really sure that i'm following any sort of plan but i'm keeping track of calories in and burned thru a new free website I discovered thru my Shape magazine, it's their virtual trainer and it basically calculates for you what cal you need/burn during the day and has a big tracker that shows you when you hit the right zone for weight loss which i have found kind of fun to try and acheive. Couldn't go to Derby at all this week as hubby is gone and i've got absolutely no sitter, today i jumped on the elliptical and well didn't plan it quite well enough to do during nap time so i had her running around with me and that's fine I got 55 min in and it felt great. Not sure where this leads me to but I just thought i better throw up a quick update. I'm hopeful that with proper nutrition and exercise now I should have some success and get myself sub 200!!! wish me luck...
My motivators this week that i purchased: Garmin 405 and a Jogging Stroller.........I'll let you know how they work out. I have no more excuses if hubby isn't here now. :) building my circle of no fail!!!

Post Race

I have definitely hit the after the BIG one blues, I didn't do anything exercise related for one hole week. Then and only then did i allow myself to go play derby (and as we are getting better the workout i get from it gets greater) this past monday we did what they call 25/5 which is 25 laps in 5 min and I did 24.75 a girl got in my way, but besides that I had never tried this before and wasn't sure i'd even come that close. I cannot believe how much farther along I am this year at Derby than I was 2-1/2 yrs ago when i first started. (only played 6 months then got pregnant). I still have soooo much energy after practice that I think this summer I'll be riding my bike and/or running after. I woke this morning to find myself with my first cold in nearly a decade. Yep usually I don't get sick, my husband has never seen me sick in the almost 5 yrs that we have been together. So I'm sure I'll get over it but dang. I am excited to announce that my next half marathon is exactly 16 wks away. So i went to Runner's world and created a custom plan and it's motivating me enough to get back out there and stick to the plan, I work so much better when i have a plan on paper (silly i know, but it works for me) I also have rec'd a library of books from the biggest loser and plan to get deep into the pages to help myself take off these stubborn 50 lbs. Funny that last may when i started running i just thought I could count my calories and do my running and I would still lose, i have now come to the realization that Jillian Michaels is right, it's the quality of the calories you put in that matter. See i still drink alcohol (too much at times) and i still eat at fast food restaurants, still buy junk food and my fridge is lacking green anything and you guessed it, there is no fruit in the house, so how can i expect to succeed if i have set my surroundings up to fail, oh i did make it through my 1/2 marathon and I'm so proud of that but i know i can do better this time.......so off to reading i go. I will fill you in on my progress. Now off to nurture this cold..........

Jacksonville Half Marathon

I will do my best to sum up my experience and not bore you to tears. We arrived shortly after Tiger Woods gave his TV apology (yes we did hotwire.com and got great rates at Sawgrass) Saturday afternoon we went for a short 2 mile run just to get legs moving. Felt great. Sunday awake 4:30 am, shower eat granola mixed with yogurt. 5:15 leave hotel arrive at shuttle location and wait in a long line for the shuttle. 6:45 arrive at runners world staging area. Check a bag and pin on our numbers and we are ready to line up. Our bibs are color coordinated so we wait in the staging area until our color makes there way to the line approximately 10,000 runners today should be exciting. Hear a speach from Joan Benoit (olympic gold medalist) and a quick speech from Donna.........we are off.

1:30 til we reach the start line so now i'm running.......

mile 1 heading up on ramp and feeling really good heading onto hwy 202 (they shut down one entire side of freeway)
mile 2 on bridge and seems like alot of it is uphill (note to self that'll be fun coming back over right before the end) notice i'm surrounded by Galloway Pacers.....check out which one (5:30 pacer) PERFECT I am aiming toward 2:45 for my half. and we're walking. even tho i don't feel like walking i know i need to force myself to because this is going to be a long race
mile 3 still hanging with the pacers and feeling really good and checking my pace tattoo and we are dead on. Impressive I think I will do pace groups all the time
mile 4 yep still with pace group and we are not off the freeway and headed down suburban jacksonville, the people here are so supportive, wait was that a garage band wow this is amazing.......what a fun city...
mile 5 you guessed it I am still with pace group and because I know we are on track I don't find myself doing any crazy mind wandering. I really like having someone say walk.........................5...4....3....2....1.. run come on let's move it. starting to feel a little militaryish but i think i kinda like it..........
mile 6 oh no the sand..........yuck.......all i can think of is don't fill your shoes with sand it sucks... Too late...wait we are almost half way. Sweet.........focus...........oh no there goes my pacers.................ugh now it's just me. Should've just done 26.2 so i can keep going. kidding
mile 6 after 2 miles on sand (or at least that's what i was told) I'm ready to hit the streets again. (ok not too much sand at least i don't feel too much)
Mile 7 kinda fuzzy on this one, I think much of it was due to trying to figure out how i can continue to pace myself without the group. well back to my own style feeling myself settle in. Feels great omg there are spectator support people out on their balconies all along here, people handing out gatorade, lemonade, water, you name it.
Mile 8 BATHROOM............yep i'm doin it..........leaving a big one in the port-a-let. Ok feeling great, wait now i'm feeling a little tight. sitting was not a good idea plus now my pants feel as though they are not quite where they were before. oh well back to running. See girls with flower headbands I think they were pretty much on pace with the pace group I'll stick around them. yeah....
Mile 9 I'm about 4 min off my pace tattoo i think from what I remember. I'm thinking at this point i was hurting in my other 10 mile race i'd done and i'm not feeling it yet so this is good. Just hitting my groove, walking when i feel like it and running when i feel good
Mile 10 starting to notice inside of my arms are rubbing the three layers I have on, starting to notice my hands are swelling up and it's starting to really bug me
Mile 11 Is that a huge blister on the ball of my foot? oh god it surely is just my sock bunching up isn't it? stop to check and pull sock tight.....can't run i'm in pain this is excruciating I feel like the balls of my feet are on fire I look around at everyone else surely someone else feels this way don't they? OMG it's killing me, walking up bridge I think the inner part of my arms might break open..........OH gross the one on my right foot just popped and ooozed all over my toes............but wait that was relief........
Mile 12 because that blister popped i found myself able to run again..........saying come on just one mile like this before it blisters again. This is nothing compared to women who went thru chemotherapy, surely I can get thru this with blistered feet.........I realized that at mile 11 it was still under my time i did for my 10 miler which puts me in good position now i'm shooting for under 3 hours..........
Mile 13 I know I can do this. I just keep thinking don't walk cuz in the end when it's 3:01 you'll kick yourself.........go.........go ..........go........and I went went went........crossed the finish line and it said 3:01:10..........I did it ( remember I was 1:30 behind in the beginning)  all my work paid off and I was sooooo happy but never felt more alone at the finish........it was weird.........I just stopped and tried to capture the moment. and where is my friend that i left behind in the first mile? was she ok? I better stop my phone.......I stopped my runkeeper and the phone completely goes dead...great......can't even call anyone to let them know I did it!!!! this kinda sucks!!! OH GOD my feet hurt......ice yea.........chair yea.........ok MEDIC>>>>>>>>>> I'm sitting my feet on ice and some girl sees my socks and says oh yeah I had those nike socks they suck........yeah thanks........wish now that i hadn't just worn socks I'd never tried before. Ok sitting for like 30 min.........hey kid......give me a wheelchair ride back to the bag check........so he did :)......got my bag and just sat on the curb there and it started to hit me what I'd just accomplished.......soon my friend came and looked like she was hobbling like me.......she sits down and tells me that at mile 7 her hip flex-or popped on her when she twisted her foot a tiny bit on some unlevel ground and went to the tent to have it adjusted.........wow that sounds horrible......we get up and hobble to the beverage area and get a beer and head over to the smoothie tent mmmmmmmmmm beer and smoothies'  not quite what i had in mind......we share a few tears in our accomplishments and proceed to find our bus and take the 1 hour shuttle back to hotel......where we get cleaned up and head to the resorts private beach where we spend the rest of the day soaking up all the sun and fun we possibly can.........then we wore our medals proudly that night........and I have to say to all the people in Jacksonville, THANK YOU for your amazing hospitality and your appreciation for what we endured............Can't wait to show you I can do it again next year......