fit but fat

so in addition to signing up for a full marathon in Oct 2011, I am taking extreme measures to ensure that i am at a healthier weight when i train. In order to do so I decided to challenge myself (extremely challenge) with p90x. I am doing the p90x lean program as it is designed specifically for more weight loss. I am also trying to adjust my way of eating. I read something in the nutrition guide that said if you can't eat right you may as well not workout either, it struck a chord with me, it went on to explain that if you are going to do this right you must eat right too. I am notorious for eating horribly. It also stated that if you do this program and continue to eat the way you do......you will ultimately be fit, but you won't look it.  That is exactly what i needed to hear , I am the poster child for being fit but looking fat.  I spent years eating crap. In fact looking back to even highschool when I was swimming 2x's a day with the team.. i ate shit, and I was trim but never looked like an athlete.  So learning to eat correctly has been my biggest life challenge. I'm not say ing it's my parents fault. But that was where i should have learned to eat properly, right? So it's one of those things that I must learn on my own and pass on to my kiddos, especially now that there are 2 more lil one's. speaking of which I thought i better post some new photos of Jack.

This week I got my full release from my OB so that's why I began the p90x. Later today I will take measurements and before photos.

Just realized i need to change my header since I am now going to be doing full marathon.

My baby boy is here!

Well not exactly new news because he is 4wks old already. It is the hardest thing that I have ever done. I don't just mean being a new mom, I mean breast-feeding and raising a toddler too. Lord. ( well to be accurate I have a 10 yr old too, and Hubby's 19 yro lives here too ) It's alot to deal with and I have days where my patience for  another missed potty training day makes me cry. I have days where I feel like a super woman and actually get laundry, cooking, workouts, tanning, cleaning kitchen done and still have energy to put this boy to sleep. The last week has been the most challenging, he really has no interest in going to sleep at night, in fact he would prefer to just scream and tell me so until about 2 or 3 in the morning. Last night I fell asleep crying as i gazed at the clock at 3:45 and held my breath that he would sleep for hours. Somehow I woke up today and ended up having a fantastic day. Should've taken a big nap but that's tough to do when you think you are superwoman. My eldest turns 11 tomorrow and I ordered an electric guitar for her. I am very blessed to be able to do things like that for her.

On a running note:  I spent most the morning and afternoon daydreaming of running my first full marathon. The Twin Cities Marathon registration opening was today and I found myself wondering Was it possible? Did I have time? will my plantar return? I stared at the registration form most the day, inbetween coordinating some craiglist sales and some other freecycle things I promised. It has been below zero here and honestly it's days like this that I'm glad it's too early to be running because it would just be tempting me. I feel less guilty this way.  Anyway at the end of the day after speaking with my husband, he says go for it! I know you will be able to do it. So I hung up and filled out the form. He is right, I can do this. I have 37 weeks to prepare.......

It's Official! I have made it on the Roller Derby Roster

Just checked out the website that shows the main Roller Derby Roster (it's been a 6 month process) but my name is now my own and registered to the site so nobody can use it. :) this marks a great day! I have no real updates on the running side of this 8 month pregnant body. But I have enjoyed the fact that this is my last child and therefore my last pregnancy. I have a 10 yro and a 2yro that are both girls and this one will be my boy. So very excited for that. I have tried to see this pregnancy as my healthiest yet, i ran well into the 6th month and then just been sticking to yoga and somedays the eliptical and other DVD pregnancy videos but nothing consistant and nothing more than 2xs per week. I have recently been put on medication for Gestational diabetes that crept back into my life. I made it 5 wks farther in this pregnancy without it so I consider that great progress. Now that blood sugars are back to normal levels I am feeling confident this baby is still growing at a much faster pace than the girls. Ultrasound yest shows that this boy is 5 lb 13oz already that's about 2 wks ahead of schedule. :) I scheduled the c-section with dr ok one week early. jan 4 as of now. I think that my preopp appt on dec 28th will prove to be the actual surgery date though. But that's between me and my boy. :). Potty training the 2yro currently is just one of the little challenges i have going on at home. My 10yro failing miserably in her efforts to give a good book report. they have 5 this year and the first one she failed, the second one she was not prepared with instructions and I went the day before her presentation to beg for instructions that she claimed she either lost or never got. UGH!!! I am also on day two of having converted baby crib to a toddler bed so she now has the freedom to get out, which i must say has gone rather well. 2 full nites and 1 full nap success without incedent. Husband continues to travel all the time and I find myself wishing and wanting the work life again. I crave interaction and problems solving that doesn't have to do with my home life. How do I balance it all? well only time and discussions with my therapist can help me now. I'm trying not to get to overly attached to the idea that I may work outside the home and raise kids in daycare ( hubby is highly opposed to this idea).And apparently I do not live in reality to expect to go to school anytime soon to persue an RN degree that's just not possible, after mon-fri staying home with kids and working nights and weekends seeing time to fit school in too? how do people do it? I'm really sitting here shaking my head as to how to raise a family and have a successful marriage and also want things for myself. Seriously, what is that supposed to look like?

Better shape in my 40's

23 weeks and feeling Large. It's a BOY

I've gotten out a few times in the last couple of weeks and it is getting difficult to run I feel like the pressure on my bottom might leave a baby on the side walk. It's funny that it still takes about a mile before I feel like my body says "oh ok we will tight up this belly and let you run" this past run I was just getting out to do 2 miles nothing major I've got to slowly build back up after taking like 5 wks off after my last 5K. So I walked at a fast pace that first mile then when second mile came and i turned around I would walk 2 min and run 1 just to get that HR up a tad. I felt good once I got home that I'd actually gone and done it. Even though it's still been pretty warm to be out I was anxious. I've also got this wonderful DVD for pregnancy workout that was designed by this women who is an acrobat and wanted to do something to stay in shape during pregnancy so she could return quickly. It entails alot of squats and leg work which is a perfect combo for a runner/ derby girl such as myself but only once a week have I been doing that. I figure one day of the DVD and one day of a couple miles is a great strarting point and each week a little more even if it's a walk with the 2yro in stroller. I also went thru our kitchen 2 wks ago and got rid of everything in the house that contained 5g > sugar or more and anything with high fructose corn syrup. I am now a firm believer that it isn't helping anyone in our house anymore we are all pretty much overweight and I thought if I removed the temptations I could show everyone Love in a different way especially my girls 10 and 2. Hubs of course appreciates it too as he's gained since we married and is a non-athlete type so for him it will be difficult to lose without changing eating habits and he loves loves loves sugar. I'm anxious and excited for this boy to make his way into this world. Yes it's a boy and I'm excited in a different way than I was with the girls. I can't even explain it. I am now 23 weeks and have gained 16 lbs which is about ave. so I'm trying to be very cautious and not go too crazy as I have several weeks left and typical weight gain comes at the end. yikes. Did you know that even tho women who breastfeed burn extra cal it also has a chemical release in our brains to slow down our metabolism at the same time so in affect BF really doesn't help you lose weight faster. Interesting isn't it? Since this is our last child I get to have my tubes tied and I am super excited to do it. I am looking forward to never wondering again. :) I'm excited that I'm at this age where I've got my babies and I am not too old to push my body to limits it never knew before. I always said I wanted to be in better shape in my 40's than I was in my 20 and 30's and so far that is gonna be true. This is by far the healthiest pregnancy I've had thus far and I owe it to the year I ran before getting pregnant it changed everything. I'm just getting started. I mean I ran a 1/2 marathon and did my first Triathlon within 6 months of each other. INCREDIBLE to be 40 and fantastic. :)

Manassa 5K & 24th Celebration

This was my second year pregnant and doing this race, last year unfortunately I lost that baby. This year however I was about 4 months and feeling pregnant. I was fortunate enough to beable to run it with my step-daughter #353 and her BFF Haley #352 (this was their first race ever) They were so excited and nervous all at the same time. Not every race you do begins with dynamite. Wow that'll get the blood going. I think this year there were about 400 participants and another record year. It's so fun to see all the people on this particular weekend. I think about 10,000 ppl line the streets of this small town (home of Jack Dempsey). Every year around this time. The girls met me at the end as they left me in the dust and I expected to be back there just listening to my body tell me when it was ready to walk and run (no watch this time) had no idea how fast I was going and it didn't matter to me. Just wanted to be a finisher and healthy. I finished at about 47 min so as you can see not my best time, the girls well they ran the whole way without stopping and I'm so proud of them both Haley finished at 31 min and was so excited to run the whole thing she lost her place at the finish and tried to convince them what her time was (this is an old school race, no timers just a guy with a stop watch at the end) lol. my step daughter finished at about 35 min and was happy to have it behind her so she now knows she is capable.  My 10yro came in about .25 mile to meet me and run in the finish with me. I'm looking forward to her getting older and running the whole thing with me. :) on the upside, this high altitude race (8900 ft) next year will not be raced with me pregnant. :) looking forward to crushing the 42 min from the year before. my PR for a 5K in Castle rock was over thanksgiving when I finally broke 40 min. 38: 56 actually. :)
I never imagined a couple yrs ago that I'd be pregnant and running but it's been fun and I've been so healthy because of it. No blood pressure meds, no high blood sugars all on the up and up.
I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder however and that will be interesting to see how with medication after I'm done breastfeeding how that will effect my life. I'm also planning on visiting and endocrinologist to have a full panel blood work done so that I can try and understand why my body won't let go of extra weight. Our normal Dr looks at thyroid ranges completely different than an endo so I'm excited to hear what she has to say. I plan on breastfeeding for about 6 months this time as opposed to 1 yr with my other daughter now 21 months. (long before the teeth this time :) ).

yes baby yes

I am 14wks preggers tomorrow, hard to believe that much time has passed and that's probably how long it's been since my last update. Thanks for being patient. I have been feeling really good about 12 weeks along i noticed that the second trimester energy was just around the corner. I was in MN for two weeks and my second trimester was in full swing which was a good thing because i ended up helping my sister move into her first house as a single mother. Divorce is finally coming. I was proud to be there. She was at my mother's house and it was pure hell our stepfather (if you can call him that when it happens when your like 19) is a pain in the ass. smoking in the house daily leaving the dog crap in the living room or wherever. It's disgusting and i couldn't help myself by saying so this visit. I'm like how do you ppl live like this. MOM if i had the cash i'd be in a hotel. Luckely we were able to move to my sisters 2 days after arrival. Do you think either one of them lifted a finger. NOPE. that's right it's like 100 out and my sister and me (pregnant) proceed to fill a truck and her car with all the beds. (4) and bring them to the new house. Aside from that drama I did have some pregnancy bleeding about week 10 and was on orders to not exert myself for 2 wks which meant no running. So that two weeks was up right before i left for MN and got one run in and then headed north. We drove for 2 days and it was quite easy. my daughters were with 10 and 21 months. perfect age to help with baby the whole way. thank you portable dvd player!! I did manage to run a few times while in MN/WI too and it was hot and muggy. Now back and home and looking through the runners' mag that just came and looking ahead to next years race plans already. Very exciting and motivating to do that. Next weekend we go to Manassa for the 24th celebration and I will run the 5K just like last year altho it's a killer cuz it's at like 8000 ft and it's hard. I hope to finish in the 40 min area and not going to break records and won't pregnant just like to finish strong. Hope the weather isn't too warm. The parade that weekend is always a crowd pleaser and with Parker at 21 months now she will enjoy the heck out of it. I just realized i haven't been on a bike or in the pool since last sept when i did my tri. that's something to regain next spring too. can't wait.

Week Wrap Up

It has been awhile since I discussed my worst enemy: Food: I have currently in my mitts a copy of "Skinny Bitch" and let me tell you it is eye opening what happens to our food before it gets to the store, lets just say I took away a few things from this book.  I'll try not to harp do much about this but It must be said that after years of having it drilled into my head I am a firm believer now that we are not designed to drink milk much past the age of 1. I am in full agreement that milk from the mother as you are a baby is designed to double your weight and put you on a path full of good vitamins etc... much like a calf. I was fortunate enough to breast feed my baby for one full year and then she switched to sippy cups and Organic Whole Milk only. That being said, I'm not going to discuss the "milking process" here as you can read the book and make your own decisions about meat and dairy. I have not completely cut meat and dairy out, but i have cut out a considerable amount out of my diet and I am much more in favor of things being Organic.The fact that this book actually has me actively thinking about what goes in and how hard I have to work to process it has been life changing and I hope to pass this on to my two girls. Although I have not noticed any weight loss from making small changes I feel better knowing that i'm feeding my body less processed/full of chemicals food. I am sure in time the loss will come. I have noticed this past week that although once again the scale is stuck at 210. I have again shifted where my fat spots are. My legs are getting sooo much stronger. My shins seem to have returned to my youthfull 20 something shape and better even. My knees are starting to say here i am! when I lay down and put my legs in the air I can see the potential of what they could look like without the fat suit, when i squat now you can just feel solid muscle, and I have added about 3 hours of skating per week and it's starting to pay off. I started near the end of January and 3 months had made a huge difference.

On a running/foot note: I have finished one week of intense therapy on my plantar fac foot and wearing a brace each night to bed, so far it seems that its working. I feel really good in the morning after removing brace and walking to bathroom pain free is like taking a deep breath in the ocean air. I have put on some miles this past week too. on Sat I allowed myself to do a quick short run and my ave pace was 13:03 that's like 2 min faster than anything i ran all last year on a practice run day. I actually did my first tempo run. Out fast and back faster. I iced when i got home and actively tried to not rest too much so it wouldn't tighten, then sunday I met another ref from the team and we ran 7 miles. Ave pace 14 something. and we had a huge hill after mile 2 and then a super fun downhill that we ran in about 10 min. it's fun to feel what running that fast feels like I remember yelling back to her and saying this is what an 11 min mile feels like isn't it awesome? She was at a 6 mile block so it was fun to push her past that wall and actually do 7, I hope she's proud cuz she did awesome, we did awesome!! She has since quit the derby team,but i think we will continue to run together. Sure makes those long runs fun! and the past month I haven't once thought oh I so don't want to go run. It's felt great to get my mojo back.

On another personal note we are actively trying to get pregnant before I can't have anymore, it's been 7 months since our miscarriage and after much thought we have decided that Parker would probably benefit from having a sibling close in age to her as my daughter is 10 yrs older than her and is having fun now, but as soon as she becomes a teenager the baby fun will be worn off and she will have no interest in her little sister anymore. It is so much fun planning to have a child with someone you love it's the most incredible gift seeing those two lines show up. I got to experience that twice and I'm ready for it to happen again with him. We are allowing ourselves to actively try for about 5 months and then we will stop, it does get exhausting as I'm sure most of you know. I'm sure once we stop trying we will then get pregnant which will be all before turning 41 and sounds perfect to me, my heart is not set on it though, i feel blessed already and another is a miracle. If it's not meant to happen then it's not meant to happen right? either way I will beable to move again at 41 and have no regrets. :) after my birthday in Jan i will go have the in office procedure to block my tubes and I will not have to get on the stupid pill. I think hubs is gonna get the big V also. Then we can both move forward and know we did what we wanted to do. :)